Denizens of Awkward City

Saturday, January 03, 2009

Not even one week into 2009 and I'm emo blogging. To be fair, Awkward City was drawn up, engineered and brought to life with fairy dust (and some Lou Rawls) sometime last year. I would know, I'm the mother fucking city planner with a palace and a goddamn moat next to the mayoress' swanky pad.

I'm confused. What is it exactly you want from me? I don't want to be your friend and given circumstances, I can't ever be your friend. Granted I'm not as charitable as others but friendship involves trust and seeing that we both royally fucked it for each other, why bother?

We both know you're probably never going to give me what I want... which is just an answer, or two. For starters, sarcasm aside, what the bloody hell are you doing!? Yes, I'm a selfish bitch and it's all about me.

Once upon a time, things were different.

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posted at 1/03/2009 02:14:00 AM by nekomatta · 0 comments

25 on the 25th

Friday, July 25, 2008

I do this every year, so I figured why break tradition? :)
I kicked off year 25 with an excitingly anticipated conference call with the lovely Sara, whom I finally got to speak to after years of working with and Kevin! :D

And in no particular order, here's a recap of the fun, glamorous and obnoxiously horrific things of how "24" went:

Pole dancing lessons--and all the wonderful ladies at pole class :D

Pole dancing--on a stage with my awesome partner Misty in a club in front of a large audience... with really only (mom and dad, please turn away and not continue reading this line) a corset and those sexy pinstripe undies with red ribbons on the side.

Discovering Cyberjaya--I swear if I never got the job working at RSB, until today, I still wouldn't know how to get to that god forsaken place.

Team RSB--Rails Rumble, lots of Ruby on Rails, fun with CSS, a few Facebook applications and more geeky shit :) Oh... and AGILE... and converting from Dreamweaver (I only use split screen view! :p) to TextMate.

Team RSB--oh, the fights! Going to war and defending your shit. Thank you :)

Took public transportation to KL at eight in the bloody morning. Don't even ask.

Got a Macbook that traveled with me all the way to Chi-town! :D

Chicago--graciously hosted by Diana, Andrew, Jaime and Owen smack in the middle of winter <3 Much apologies to the guys shoes' which I puked on at the dueling piano bar after my orgy of drinks, heh. And Super Bowl!

Vegetarian food--like, seriously. In all my past 23 years combined, I've never had as much vegetarian food as I did working in Cyberjaya for those few months :p Every thing's a mushroom. Or bean.

Advertising at Proximity--I architect information, hah ;p And boy do I still hate Flash :p Admittedly, we have shit for internet but at least we get free beer and truckloads of processed sugar :D

My fuck-me-red iPod died. DIED.

Gave the second chance thingie a second try. Didn't work out too hot.

Swung around an obstacle course four stories up in the air with the crazy kids at Standard Charted. Oh, the drinking games. Much love! :)

Doing stupid shit on the webcam.

Mage went frost... and priest snagged the 2000 rating with Cibo (and a little help from sassy Higgins hehe).

Rediscovering what it means to have an "actual job" and how it cuts down dramatically on your social life.

Revisiting my teenager years of indulging my currently not-so-secret any longer teeny boppy girly crush fantasies.

Bumped into unpleasant clients (thankfully only two!)--the worst of the two being a misogynistic a-hole (pretty much self explanatory).

Whored my liver out to Turborg just so I could get to the KL Music Festival '08.

Salsa classes--just started! ;p

Streaked my hair red and adopted green contact lenses in the name of vanity.

Bumping into people with subzero PR skills. Yes, again, God kills a lolcat every time I have to tolerate this.

Two of my friends are engaged! :D

Obsessing over a track from the Ministry of Sound radio for ages without knowing the title (simply because it's so obscure I couldn't find it)--only to find it on someone's playlist on the first day at Proximity (thanks Yee Ee :D)! I have the track but sadly, I still don't know what it's called.

And that's that; I'm still high on my fever and both my brain and fingers have rebelled and stopped working... although, I'm not sure if I should include HTML5 to that list :x

Pictures will come tomorrow! :) Happy Birthday to all the other July babies out there! :D

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posted at 7/25/2008 01:34:00 AM by nekomatta · 2 comments

Drip; pass the tissue please

Thursday, July 24, 2008

I'm sick. A day before I turn twenty five. This blows and is a humongous fail of epic proportions.

I'm this close to falling over dead with a leaky, gunk oozing faucet of a nose and I can't even get five minutes worth of sleep to save myself.

Add to that the possibility of needing to show up for work at a client's site on Sunday. S-U-N-D-A-Y. I think my gums just started to bleed from the acid that's moving up my esophagus at the very thought of Sunday morning work.

Also, God kills a lolcat for every stupid, ignorant cowpile text message I get. For the record: God killed three lolcats today.

Be kind to the lolcats and stop. Just stop before I shoot you in the head.

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posted at 7/24/2008 02:51:00 AM by nekomatta · 0 comments

Of fire and frost

Monday, July 14, 2008

"Did you need all that Dark Iron ore?"

"Nopes."

"Can use it to make a lock box for your cold undead heart, like Davey Jones *ducks*"

"Davey Jones had a squishy heart. Mine sparkles, from the frost."

"LOL touche."

It's been a long, long disastrous weekend of misplaced laments and wisdom that fell on deaf ears. Thank the divine entities for Saturday night at Genting and Sunday pole-arity.

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posted at 7/14/2008 09:50:00 PM by nekomatta · 1 comments

Thought process

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

How do you give up someone you love? Willingly? And for the "greater good" without the sensation of falling forever and lost in the totality of unjustified confusion at the mere thought of the person?
For something that's supposedly the right thing to do, it feels like the epitome of everything you're doing wrong with your life.

You can kick, scream, cry and beg but the reality of the situation still remains and you're forced to let go.

You let go... and then you hate.

Your emotions betray you and you turn against this one person... that one person who used to make you soar, sprint, laugh and love.

Your lover, your friend is now your enemy.

Eventually, past all the sleepless nights, you'll break and loathe... willing to erase the past and desperately wanting to forget the future.

You'll never understand.

And in time, the part of your brain that craves and the longing in your heart that desires will cease to function. For the greater good.

And you miss it all already.

p/s: On a completely unrelated note, ripping out one's nose piercing by accident (from the unfortunately clumsy removal of sunglasses) solidifies that I was never meant to have that piercing since I'm having such horrible luck with it.

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posted at 11/07/2007 10:46:00 AM by nekomatta · 2 comments

let's swing

Friday, May 19, 2006

stemming from diamonds are forever, can i just say: EL OH EL IMMATURITY.

yeah, you know what i'm talking about ;) stop wasting my time. grow up kthx.
life is not a carousel. yours maybe, not others.
now maybe if some listening skills were adopted, we would all live happily ever after.

which part of 'leave me the fuck alone' do you not understand?

when your lies are broken apart there will be no saving grace from heaven or hell, not this time.

i can't say i fear nothing, because if i did it would just mean i love nothing.
perhaps before threats are flung, you of all people should contemplate the meaning of that statement. you are despicable and a despoiler of all things virtuous in human nature.

it's a shame but perhaps in the next lifetime, you will come to realize and understand that some things in life are indeed more precious than your own ego.

play time is over and i am taking apart this revolting set of twisted whims and fancies, starting now.

*******

OMEDETOOOO LIONEL DESU! :D

my baby graduated last week! kissu! <3
hurry home so i can give you your graduation present! ^^;

no, it's nothing perverted you dirty, dirty little children ;)

to be honest, i'm really contemplating giving him a cellphone he can't switch off :P i'm sure mike and yip will be happy lol!

i drove to get chris yesterday... O.o
and in the process nearly killed nico heading straight for a rather limpy, leafy palm tree branch :P
ok ok no one died, just that nico got out of the car a little pastier than before -_-

it's not a bloody amazing feat BUT we survived! lol
granted it's a little easier navigating around pj than it is kl... ;p

i've known this for awhile, but i'm pretty ashamed of myself when i say i know where my friends stay but don't know their addresses at all lol (as mr. rodriguez would painfully testify and whole-heartedly agree to :p sorry, i still don't know her address till today -_-)

yep, memory like a steel trap!
*cough*rust*cough* :p

it's friday! *cheer*
many hugs to josh and hopes that he gets his problems solved :)
when things are best left in the past, moving on is usually a better thing than it is a bad thing ^^;

last thing i want to do is spend more time boring the living daylights out of people who are about to leave work and head home ;)

by the bye, i still want your smut christy :p

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posted at 5/19/2006 05:16:00 PM by nekomatta · 2 comments

intermission

Thursday, May 11, 2006

whoever's reading my blog just to create drama for their own sick entertainment: FUCK OFF please :)

if your life sucks, join a circus instead.

i don't care for you. we don't care for you. they don't care for you.

we vent, we move along.

now move along.

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posted at 5/11/2006 03:14:00 AM by nekomatta · 2 comments

diamonds are forever

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

i've noticed that my more properly worded and/or decent, scandal-free entries don't really grab the attention of any of my readers O.o perhaps i'm lacking the rage (as my posts are described by candice :p) and should tell people to sod off more lol or i just need to post up more pictures of food from malaysia :P

with all the delicious rumors being passed about, elevating my dull "normal" status to enticingly promiscuous kinky sex princess, i encountered my first sleazy in-game tell while minding my own business melting faces in arathi basin:

(of course, like *cough* all of us, this poor unknown chap was merely a little puppet to deliver the remarks because the actual person who wanted to say it has yet to GROW SOME BALLS. so much for "always being honest" with me. sorry, it's no fun if i'm going to censor shit out.)

dwarf warr: i heard you're kinda kinky... wanna have some fun? =p
me: sorry honey, you're not really my type ;)

*pause for face melting*

me: calis might be right up your alley though ;)

*pause for more face melting and awaiting the agm decision over their vent*

dwarf warr: threesome then?

*pause to think: bitch or saint, hmm*

me: sure... you, calis and bullet? ^^;

*crickets*


should've said they can't afford me ;) that would've fanned the embers a little for a longer and more entertaining conversation lol menyampah (translation: it's uhm, bad lol) as fuck.

if i could rewrite m! the opera, i'd call it m! the drama. not as stylistic, but guaranteed 100% more entertaining... that is, if you like long-winded scripts the epitome of beating a dead horse over and over again O.o

you like listening to me bitch right? so listen up lover.

you're such a lying asswipe.
assholes i can tolerate, but liars are just pushing it.
you know what bugs me? yeah, because they are coming from you.

from the meaningful little phone call while doing the dishes, the sound of music when i fell asleep by my keyboard to the sleepily giggled "good morning"s. forgot all that? or are you so blinded by your EGO you fail to remember all that was good and sincere (on my part, not too damn sure about yours now) while you're busy swallowing lies like the good little boy you are?

disappointment hardly fits the description. goodbye respect.

don't play with fire if you can't handle the heat.

that being said, it's over and done with. people make mistakes (you're proof that i make very stupid ones apparently) and we learn from them.

MOVE ON with your life and LEAVE ME ALONE.

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posted at 5/09/2006 01:30:00 AM by nekomatta · 1 comments

there's something about you...

Thursday, May 04, 2006

that make people want to gravitate towards and around you.

someone once said that to me... ^^;

although i assume complimentary at that point in time, i'm not sure if he was referring to my *cough* charming personality or the fact that i'm nicely round and very orbit-friendly lol xD

alas, he now tells everyone i'm a whore and schizophrenic since things have gone sour and i supposedly walked away lol

the irony ^^;

psst, i'll tell you a secret: just because something doesn't go your way does not mean everyone else is in the wrong.

i do welcome feedback regarding rationalizing and prioritizing things in every day life :)

i just think there are some things in life that are MORE IMPORTANT than others (i.e. don't be a selfish prick?). any thoughts? ^^;

on the charge of being schizophrenic: just because i'm not an all-rounder asshole... ;p

i wouldn't call this a self-whoring (no pun intended btw!) post. i'd say it's more a detox rant considering i feel like i'm center stage in the middle of a bloody circus ;p

christina thinks it's wasted effort. i suppose to imagine being "rejected" to begin with is really overdoing it and everything good and nice will be mocked by his own brand of cruelty.
although, i don't believe in harboring negativity and having it plant seeds of ignorant and unjustifiable wrath (pseudo theory y? lol).

it's foolish but i know he is a better person than whatever is currently projected. although a little ah, blunt and impatient but he is not incapable of compassion as i've seen that vulnerable, chaste side.

however, perhaps what he had previously was not love but lust?

i may be naive at times but how is it love when you go to such lengths to hurt the one you "love"? how is it "love" when you're willing to believe the worst even if it's not true? how do you do something so vile to someone you claimed you love and still be able to live with yourself?

it was something special, but it wasn't love.

i may come off as a bitch (or clown, depends ;p) when it comes to dealing with emotions at times but i am not impervious to hurt. sure i can act like i don't really give a fuck :p i can laugh off a comment and rationalize the situation like the geeky problem-solver "engineer" i am but the first instantaneous emotion that comes by is plain and simple hurt.

no matter how minute, every person feels it.

i'm just so tired talking about this matter and having it crop up every now and then laced with a myriad of untruths. i am tired of it having a quasi-negative impact on what i am doing at that point in time because i feel sorry he's become like that. i am TIRED.

a few days ago, i was talking to nicolas about forgiving and forgetting. i asked if a person who has caused you much hurt in the past, when/if you have forgiven them and moved along, when you think about that person will you think about how good it was pre-shitinface drama or just remember that person as this evil monster?

and nicolas replied "whatever that person has done to you, good or bad, if it's important to you, you will never forget it."

such truth in simplicity ^^;

life is like a pot of hot water and you can either choose to be a carrot, an egg or coffee powder.

it would suck if you started off gentle (egg) and sometime along the way, you become cold, hard and calculative. the reverse however, is for you to be a strong person (carrot) at the beginning and go through life only to have it drain everything that is good about you and leave you, well... limp.

so why not be the coffee powder (or tea leaves for coffee haters :p)? ^^; influence and touch the people around you with rich, effervescent joy like how the coffee powder blends with the water to create a lovely aroma after some time :)
don't let circumstances beat you to the ground and wash away any and everything that is precious, virtuous and distinctively "you" <3

at the end of the day, i am happy ^^;

i will always remember that period of time with much fondness and everything that was wonderful about it because there is nothing else i want to remember and nothing else i want from it.

it was a beautiful dream :)

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posted at 5/04/2006 09:42:00 PM by nekomatta · 6 comments

ring me at $300/hr

Friday, April 28, 2006

parental warning: this entry is full with both obvious and discreetly dirty suggestions, not intended for the eyes of a minor and/or the narrow-minded with a liberally backwards social perspective of sex and satisfaction ^^;

so, i got a message from a friend, who's very shy and would quite possibly go on an emo over-drive on me if i mentioned his name, saying that he "heard" (depends if you call reading on-screen text "heard") a random passing comment about my sexual preferences/behaviors/likes.

my heart skipped a beat as a first thought lanced across my mind: aw fuck, they found my abandoned smut archive -_- i mean, although i don't openly promote my kinkier side, i express them through writing (and then some ;p) and there's nothing really to be shy about. WELL, after awhile you do get used to the idea that people you potentially know could be reading them... eventually lol ^^;

if you've read up to this point and have a condescending "oh my" openly projected towards the screen then sit back, take that twist out of your knickers and take a deep breath (or close the window :p).
everybody has naughty thoughts. some much naughtier than others of course ;) and some are more open about it than others. to each his/her own ;)

i fantasize. do you? ^^;

*cough* back to my story lol

then a second thought came filtering through: wow, and here i thought that people online who knew me saw me as an innocent prude ;)

highly amused but kepo (translation: busybody) as fuck, i prodded to see if he would tell me more.

alas, nothing ;/

however he did say the comment that was passed around was: "she's a phone sex operator and likes threesomes and shit like that" xD

after that little revealing compliment i believe i can safely say i know who started this ^^;

i know, i know... phone sex operator? isn't that somewhat degrading?

heck no :D stroke and empower my ego more imo lol :p
as i told mark, having a voice that is capable of lingering seductively in a man's head and grabbing his other head at the same time says plenty about the woman ;)

i ain't even going to lie, as it stands, i have the voice of a 12 year old. if you're getting your rocks off to what i'm saying you're probably a) a pedophile or b) *********

*** lol i just had to xD censorship to avoid drama because i just took a pot shot towards someone who lacks the balls to talk things out with me when his ego gets deflated ;) when you grow some, let me know.

or i could be just that good? ^^;

anyway, i wish i could whore my voice out for a nice paycheck every week. hentai voice actress anyone? lol ah, i can always dream ;)

and threesomes?? i'll admit i'm bi-curious <3 (/lick hi lover! ;p)
but don't even get me started. hmph!
i didn't get one before i left the states, there is NO WAY in hell i'm going to get a menage a trois in prudesville malaysia >.>

oh well xD

hope your afternoon was as entertaining as mine ^^;

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posted at 4/28/2006 06:24:00 PM by nekomatta · 3 comments

tears of sin and solace

Thursday, March 30, 2006

we were both wrong. you know it, i know it, she knows it, he knows it.
they were innocents, lost spectators and eventually unwilling participants to something that was never meant to be. i can almost hear the 'i told you so's echoing in the distance... this box of forgotten sighs was bound to be discovered; just sooner or by accident. regardless of how unconceivably twisted and sour things have become, maybe it's a blessing in disguise for truth and totality.

it is a fault to which i will admit to, something unfortunately, you share with me in the time that will span the ages.

he calls me naive, a little puppet in your court of deceit and amusement.
brainwashed and tainted by words that speak veiled cruel intentions... tonight you proved that?
she probably doesn't think too much of me. she has no need to feel threatened. after all, it was just fun and games, were they not?
you of all people should know better. did you find your piece of the puzzle?

i'm standing in a circle for two; an emotional revolver to my chest.
what is done, is done.
the little mistakes we make that snowball, the fingers that we point because we are afraid... and the empty kisses you blow to preserve what you have because you can't have all that you want.
in the end, it is i who take the bullet.
but everything will be all right... because no one wants to remember. no one should.

but no one forgets either.

i am so scared. i've never been this terrified before; telling him everything even though there is a huge price of desolation to pay. with all the shit that has hit the fan and is on a rapid spiral downwards, at the end of the day, the only person worth dying (if it comes to that) for and sacrificing everything i have is him.
it has always been him...
not you, not her...
only him.

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posted at 3/30/2006 02:30:00 AM by nekomatta · 5 comments
[ soon-to-be useful ]

nekomatta is...

This is Sean when she's emo. Sean Sean Tan;

sarcastic wordsmith, dirty in oh-so-many ways, fun-loving IE-hating CSS worshiping markup "engineer", anime-styled arm flailing expressive communicator, proudly self-initiated member of the cult of milk and caffeine, snotty pink crayon lover, tree hugging hippy organic designer, pole dancer wannabe, swing-a-ling lindy hopper, rabid arcane mage/bitchin' disc priest/annoying resto druid--sometimes spazzy, often giggly, always loud.
20% sugar, 80% kink.