nekomatta

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

For starters, don't even ask me which gym I go to. For good reason I might add.

Number 1, I don't have a gym membership. I'm sorry Max, I just can't do it. Why? See reason two.

Number 2, I don't possess enough discipline nor do I foresee myself shuffling in enough commitment to haul my lazy ass away from my lappie long enough to make it up to the bathroom and climb into a pair of sweats. I will however, being me, trip over myself if I'm asked to go out clubbing without hesitation. Shallow, really.

Number 3, since I lack the motivation, I shouldn't really even bother investing in a gym membership to begin with.

Honestly, I think I'm just intimidated by the prospects of imagining a hippo bouncing on her treadmill while gasping for oxygen in a non-too-ladylike fashion while realizing that everyone around her is watching (in choked fear) to make sure she doesn't inevitably collapse and/or make her audience one, huge fleshy cushion.

Despite not being physically present in a gym, I've heard interesting stories about the people who frequent them. Of course, it's doubly as interesting if that person is someone you personally know or has reached celebrity status.

According to a friend, let's call him sexyNate (he wanted to be known as Hottie McHot; I balked and proceeded to laugh myself into a hysterical fit as pigs flew), who said:

(mind you I'm just joining up my MSN conversations; not that I really give a flying fuck but sexyNate is delicate, so be gentle on the grammar)

"I have hot gossip on celebrities... for example, Marion C goes to the gym not to work out... she puts on piles of makeup and wears designer workout clothes like Nike and Adidas... which look like she just wore them off the rack.. they DO NOT LOOK USED AT ALL... and she smiles, and walks around the gym... waving at people... and you never see her working out ONCE."

Marion C of OSIM uZap fame? Work out? Poppycock!

She doesn't need to workout, that's what that abdominal vibrator is for. If anyone is wondering, I couldn't Google Marion C, heh. As to why I didn't put a direct product link; OSIM International is a donkey ass flash site, 'nuff said.

As to whether that POS actually works: no.

I own one. Don't ask.

But I digress. So sexyNate rants on:

"Well she does la.... she will use the machine for like 2 seconds then she'll stop.... walk around... and i saw someone actually went up to her and asked to take photograph, it was HILARIOUS!"

This scenario does remind me of my Organic Chemistry TA bitching about students coming up to him while he was working out in the gym and asking him for exam/discussion question answers. The exasperated look he had while standing in front of an auditorium full of students either blinking sleepily or in grand slumber hidden behind strategically placed newspapers was absolutely priceless.

I got derailed again! Back to sexyNate's adventure:

"I was staring in disbelief but it was probably Marion's dream come true... she was probably waiting for that... and then Adam C is a skinny little bastard with a big head... his arms are the size of toothpicks.. its highly disturbing and its disproportionate to his body."

In summary:

"So the total is: Jaclyn Victor, Marion C, Adam C, Tony Eusoff... and apparently some guy who was in 'The Young and the Dangerous'."

It's only Marion C who goes to the gym not to work out but to be an exhibitionist:

"hahaha Marion fool... oh yeah she's really loud too... she has a 'trainer' but really they dun do anything... she just goes 'ARGHH IT'S SO HEAVY' and whines... i had my headphones on listening to music and i could hear this high pitch screaming... i took out my headphones and i was like... oh it's marion whining"

As a final note, I would like to add this is what sexyNate said about Tony Eusoff:

"Yeah tony eusoff is FIT. Uh. That came out wrong."

Celebs and all that jazz. UNF.

Labels: rant